10 years. Wow. I remember so much. And so much comes seeping in unexpectedly. Struggling to figure out what I’m feeling exactly. An emotional jambalya of loss, relief, disappointment, expectation, unanswered questions, hope, fear, frustration? More? Less? I still look for my towers when I come across the brooklyn bridge. Happy for the life I have, the love I share and the many blessings in my life in the 24 years before the towers went down and the 10 years since.
But the loss. Not raw. Palpable. But it’s not raw. It’s numb. It wasn’t just the people I did know and the thousands more I didn’t. My personal loss is almost non-existent in comparison to those who grieve for multiple friends, family members and dozens of brave colleagues. But maybe as a native NYer with decades of memories double underlined by those enormous towers the loss I feel is of a time; a time when NYC was invincible. Perhaps forced to confront the frailty and mortality of my own city and its iconic upward reaching towers my own mortality and the frailty of friendships, loves and life became, themselves, double underlined and bolded. And maybe I’ve just never sat down and really tried to feel all of it.
I have so much pride and love in my heart for this city and for a people who could suffer so great a loss and then get back up and shake it off. Slowly, but surely rebuilding. I remember the zombies that we all were shuffling around the city in the days immediately following 9/11. As unsure of whether there might be additional attacks as we were of when we’d be able to laugh and live again. Weird days. 10 years later I guess I can simply say thank you to those who gave their lives to save lives and to those who continue to defend our freedoms. And to those of us who continue to see progress and potential in the face of loss. And to those of us who inhale despair and exhale hope and possibility. And to those who teach us all how to move on. And to those who help us remember even as we heal. And to those who appreciate life even when it sucks. And to those who see how suddenly it can all go away and motivate us all to love deeply. And to the loves in my life that make life worth living and loving: thank you.